PUNT AND DIE

This weekend was spent roaming the streets of Cambridgeshire, doing all the things we have been wanting to do but never actually got around to. I wish we would have gone earlier because these are the things we discovered: Primark (best/cheapest shopping in the world), a tea shop (even though my sister and chauzers told us do do this right away, we lagged..and it turns out they have the best tuna melts anywhere), a park with HUGE sunflowers, and of course COSTA coffee!!

On Sunday we decided to go punting..ruh roh! Annalyse had never been and it was time for her to give it a try. She did surprisingly well, but when we had only 15 minutes to get back before having to pay another 14 pounds for an extra hour, we decided I'd go on deck and take us home. Now this time we went, Karla and I decided it would be fun to go punting in the opposite direction we did last time. It was all fine and dandy until we quickly learned how muddy that section of the river was. The metal pole we were using frequently got stuck in the mud, but 9/10 times we managed to pull it out. The 1/10 time we didn't, of course happened to me.

I was punting us back when all of a sudden I couldn't pull the pole out of the water. I tugged harder and harder on it but still no luck. Then the boat drifted away and there I was standing on the back of the boat staring at about 2 feet of metal pole forming a 45 degree angle against the water. The little shit was stuck in the mud and we were floating away without a punting stick. I yelled at Annalyse and Karla to paddle us up to the side of the river and as soon as we got close enough Annalyse hopped out. She ran up to the pole and of course her midget arms couldn't reach the damn thing. I was the next person out of the boat and did my best to reach the pole with both my arms and legs but still no luck. I'd also like to mention the fact that by this time, it was pouring rain. So I told Annalyse to hurry and give me her umbrella. I had her hold onto my legs as I leaned my entire torso and outreached arm over the river towards the portion of the pole jetting out of the water. Then, all of a sudden, the swans came. Those ferocious little bastards may look pretty but they have eyes like daggers and do NOT like people. Out of the corner of my eye I could see one headed staright towards me. Not only did I have to hurry so we could get back in time, but I had to race for my life. I stretched as far as I could and swooped the tip of the pole with the umbrella. Once it was close enough I grabbed it and yanked that thing out of the mud just in time for the swan to pass by and give me an evil stare-down while doing so.

MEANWHILE, a group of older people sitting on the opposite side of the river were staring as we made fools of ourselves. To top it off, every punting group that passed pointed and laughed while I dangled half my body over the water. Karla sat in the boat and didn't do shit! She didn't even bother to take pictures or videos of this disastrous and then heroic moment and instead joined in on the laughter and screamed when the swan floated by.

^This was not THE time the pole got stuck in the mud, but in fact a different time when I managed to pull it from the earth's claws before the boat drifted away.

^Again this is not THE swan, but in fact another swan that gave Karla an evil stare-down. Those swans are bitches, for reals.